Adoption is…
A process of changing one’s identity
Trauma
Overcome it. I will.
But it’s real
So real that sometimes we can’t see it
But I see it now
Dragging myself from the fog
Painful
Necessary
Cleansing
Dare I say… beautiful
Adoption is pain
Adoption is change
Grateful for the people it brought in to my life
Grateful for the perspective it brings
I will speak my tale
Speak it true
All of it
The good
The ugly
It’s time for honesty
Not least of all to me.
Or: My journey as a Chinese born Australian who doesn’t see herself as Asian but, after seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, I realise a part of me deep down still has some strong connection to my Chinese roots.
That is one heck of a subtitle, hey? But, this is how I felt after watching this new entry into Phase Four of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
This is not going to be a typical review, and there will also be no major spoilers (probably), but fair warning I will be gushing a lot as my love for this film surpasses any other MCU film. Also, this post will most likely be all over the place. So please bear with me.
Continue reading “Being an Asian Adoptee in the Western World”If you want to hear what I have to say about adoption, mine and the systems around the western world, please follow me on TikTok.
So, I’m going to be vulnerable and share some thoughts on here that I’ve been sharing in the adoptee community on TikTok. Sharing and also learning about.
For anyone who isn’t aware, and I’m sure most of you are, I’m adopted.
– My adoption story is a good one, I would even hesitate to say I feel pretty blessed. And I am grateful for the life I have.
– I adore and love my parents, they know this, I know this and the people who matter know this.
– I have learned relatively recently that maternal separation of a baby from its mother is trauma, it alters the development of their brain and impacts their lives in ways that can be hidden but can manifest in a myriad of ways especially in our mental world. Therefore adoption is trauma. (It does make sense though since separation anxiety can affect children even when they are older ie the age range that I work with, 0-5 years of age). (Hofer, M. A. (2006). Psychobiological Roots of Early Attachment. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15(2), 84–88. doi:10.1111/j.0963-7214.2006.00412.x)
– My parents, looking back on my upbringing, seemed very trauma informed and understood the need to try and keep me abreast of my culture and always be honest with me as far as they could about where I came from and why.
– I was adopted internationally at a time when they were closed adoptions here in Australia. Now, at least as far as Western Australian legislation goes (and I believe for the rest of the country), adoption is open for both domestic and international systems. It is illegal to have closed adoptions in Australia (cf US adoption industry which I’ll mention in a moment)
– adoption is now considered a last resort option for safe external care (besides foster care) in Australia. Kinship care, community kinship care and permanent legal guardianship are the preferred options and the rates of adoption have decreased in Australia from the early 70s to now. It has decreased 98% from approx 9500 to only 208 adoptions in 2021. And international adoptions dropped 76% – 66 – 16 (I’m not sure this is adoption rates or actual numbers of adoptions, but that’s a staggering decrease and pretty significant) (Source: https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/adoptions/adoptions-australia-2021-22/contents/summary# Accessed 5 May, 2023)
– on adopteetok on TikTok the majority of the conversation is between adoptees and first mothers from the US, and the story is quite different and tragically so.
– in the US, the adoption industry is a US$24 billion for profit industry which basically amounts to child trafficking. There is high demand for new born infants to supply the adoption industry even though there are thousands of eligible older children to adopt in the foster care system (though the actual goal of foster care should always be reunification with their families which is another issue altogether).
– The US can not get the UN rights of a child ratified in their country because of their adoption system. In many states adoptees cannot access their original birth certificate (I have mine) (not the adoption birth certificate which has the adoptive parents’ name on them, but the actual original certificate). And cannot access medical history of their bio families.
– all of this discourse has made me realise that adoption isn’t the dream that the media portrays. I’m one of the lucky ones who has and is grateful for my adoption, my adoptive family, my parents. But so many adoptees haven’t had it as easy as I have. Some of the stories I’ve heard on tiktok are truly heartbreaking.
– I’m also realising that my relinquishment by my birth mother (and subsequent time in the orphanage) both made a mark on the person I have become. (That trauma I mentioned), and it explains a lot.
The way I react to situations, the way I’m hesitant to reach out for help, the way I fear rejection from others… and yes, I’m coming to the realisation that is exactly one of my fears – though I used to think it was just fear of what people would think of me, but it’s actually fear of rejection because of what they perceive… the way I will put on different masks in different situations…
I am in no way complaining about these things, just learning more about myself which I know will help me be able to overcome those things by the grace of God. Having them out in the open is a good thing.
I want to end this post with two main thoughts.
1. Adoption in view of building a family is not a good thing – yes, it built my family and I am grateful for that fact. But, first and foremost it should be a child welfare tool and really there are other options out there that are preferable to adoption.
2. I am wholly grateful to my family and for the life I lead now. I am thankful for my adoption and that is okay. I am also willing to listen and stand up for those who believe that adoption is not the good that it should be, and the adoption industry, especially in the US, needs to be completely overhauled (as well as all the other forms of child welfare resources). As well as having more resources for families in crises, which is the main reason children are relinquished in the first place.
Anyway, thanks for attending my TEDTalk on adoption.
2022: the year Simple Plan released the best album they’ve ever released (bar Still Not Getting Any… ‘cos reasons)! HARDER THAN IT LOOKS – released: 6 May 2022
It’s been six long years of waiting for the diehard Simple Plan fan and let me tell you, the wait was definitely worth it. Harder Than It Looks is an album that all long term fans will absolutely love. And I don’t think it’s hyperbole to state that as fact.
It’s also been probably six long months of waiting to have the mental capacity to sit down and type up this review. I was planning on posting this after I first listened to it, however, life happened. But, even after this amount of time my initial thoughts still stand.
6.05.2022 – Harder Than It Looks is a tribute to what the band has created in their twenty-plus years of being a band. I feel like the album is a mix of every album they’ve released with some songs reminiscent of Still Not Getting Any whilst others vibe off the self-titled and GYHO. There is even one track, Best Day of My Life, that feels like it hearkens back to Pierre and Chuck’s Reset days, pre-SP. And then a couple of songs that have a fresh sound that the band hasn’t done yet, but still with a hint of the past echoing through them. It’s definitely a roller coaster ride that I don’t want to get off.
The songs that I loved after my first listen all the way through: Anxiety, Iconic, Slow Motion (and of course, Congratulations and The Antidote are firm faves too).
The timing of Harder Than It Looks could not be more appropriate. It came out just when another wave of a certain little virus went through where I lived, and I was a little overwhelmed by the day-to-day life. And a certain track from this new offering spoke eloquently of where I, and many others, were positioned mentally and emotionally. Anxiety is that song. I will let the lyrics speak for themselves.
The pressure comes, I can feel it now
I’m just another tragic case of
The only one I was missing out
Comparisons I can’t escape from
All these voices circling my head
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh)
I wish I was someone else instead
‘Cause it all just brings me down
Anxiety is killing me
All of these expectations
Are shaking up my sanity
I’m getting so tired of faking now
It’s all so much that I can’t breathe
Thеre must be something wrong with mе
Reality is killing me
It’s giving me, anxiety
Get away, get away, get away, get away
Get away from me
Anxiety, anxiety
I try to run, gotta separate
It’s everywhere, it’s all around me
I try to sleep but I’m wide awake
‘Cause every dream is filled with envy
Let’s turn everything, everything off (Turn everything off)
Don’t ever, don’t ever look back (Don’t ever look back)
Let’s turn everything, everything off (Turn everything off)
Don’t ever, don’t ever look back
‘Cause it all just brings me down
At the end of May I caught COVID-19 for the first time – yes, I’ve had it twice – and Simple Plan’s music was once again a great source of comfort, along with my faith in God, and my love for a certain composer… *cough*LinManuelMiranda*cough*. But, this post is about Simple Plan and their new album.
It’s been quite some time since I listened to the album for the first time, but here are my thoughts on the album as I listen to it for the umpteenth time, track-by-track.
Wake Me Up When This Nightmare’s Over – This track opens the whole album. The soft piano opening draws you in to listen and though it’s not a favourite of mine, it is a solid SP offering. The lyrics resonate as they can speak of specific circumstances, but at the same time are generic enough that each listener can relate it to their own circumstances – eg. “I can’t believe this mess we’re in / Tell me where do I begin? / ‘Cause it’s making my head spin / And I can just feel it.”
Ruin My Life (feat. Deryck Whibley) – Whenever the band feature other artists they always hit it right out of the park. I was never much of a fan of Sum41; however, his vocals fit well with this track. Ruin My Life is an anthem to all those bullies and naysayers who put one down in the past. An anthem to us rising above them and proving them wrong. (Sorry, I don’t mean to disappoint you, but you didn’t ruin my life.)
The Antidote – The first single the band released from the album, prior to the release. I fell in love with it from the first listen.
Million Pictures of You – This is such a beautiful sappy romantic song.
Anxiety – Pierre said this song was influenced by his own journey with debilitating anxiety and that is oddly comforting. Knowing that we are not alone in our struggles (lyrics are above)
Congratulations – This track is quintessentially SP. I really don’t have the words.
Iconic – This track gets me totally pumped!
Best Day of My Life – This song hearkens back to Pierre and Chuck’s Reset Days.
Slow Motion – “… one of those whiteboard ideas Chuck had… idea of love at first sight. … This is gonna sound silly, but when I hear this chorus, it just makes me want to cry. I was driving…and I was sitting in my car with tears coming down my face, and I’m like, ‘What is wrong with me? I’m listening to my own music and I’m crying in my car!’” – Pierre Bouvier
Two – From the general all encompassing song at the beginning to the extremely specific song about split homes this whole album is amazing. The band is not afraid to tackle difficult topics, but do it with their typical pop, rock and pop punk sensibilities with a few new flavours sprinkled throughout.
I love this album so much. I love this band so much.
Ten out of ten for always being my favourite band.
Turn on your listening ears
Open your looking eyes
Unpack your kind hearts
Hold out your gentle hands
What happened to your listening ears
Did you pack them away?
Turn them on again
Please.
Yes.
No.
Listen, please.
I know you’re hungry
I know you’re tired
Just turn on those ears, please
Yes, I can give you a huggle
No, I can’t hold all of you
At the same time
Yes, I have so many cuddles!
Cuddles for everyone!
Just please turn on your ears
Open you’re looking eyes
Unpack your kind hearts
Hold out your gentle hands
And let’s have a beautiful day!
~ MW 2022
Heart ache
Memories
Flashes of joy like a movie reel
Laughing about food choices
Laughing when friends see
what we don’t see
Love crept up on us
I wouldn’t have it any other way
Wasn’t looking
But you came and held my heart
And I held yours
Love
Grief
What is that?
What defines that?
Promises of staying
in health and sickness
I meant it
You didn’t quite believe it
But I stayed.
And you went home.
Another address
Real life
We are but strangers in this world
Yearning for our true home.
You have reached that place
I know where you are
That brings peace.
I still have much to do
I am not finished yet
God willing
I will do all that He has for me to do
So, here I am at the end of another year, and I feel like it’s zoomed by. It’s been a mix of highs and lows with most of the highs being film related, and social times with friends. And the lows have mostly been work related. (Though not bad lows, just that they were challenging times, rewarding in the end though.)
I’m not even sure how to really describe this year, so instead I will share with you my annual “Best Of…” lists.
So, here goes…
Best of 2021
NB: Any music/TV shows/films mentioned here may have been released in prior years, but this is based on whether I newly discovered them this year, or they have had a big impact on me this year.
Book of the year: Once Upon a Time in the North – Philip Pullman Being able to dig deeper into Lee Scoresby’s story was such a joy, such a moving piece of work within the His Dark Materials universe.
Album of the Year: Tick Tick Boom/Encanto These two albums tie for different reasons.
Creative of the Year: Lin-Manuel Miranda – does this even need an explanation?
Band of the Year: Simple Plan (just) – to be honest they would always be band of the year…
Song of the year: Shiver – Ed Sheeran – This song is just so darn catchy
Worship song of the year: Hope of the Ages – Hillsong Worship, Reuben Morgan, Cody Carnes – this song came out at just the right time.
Christian Song of the Year: Jesus is Coming Back – Jordan Feliz – Amen!
Soundtrack of the Year: Tick Tick Boom/Encanto – I can’t choose between them as they sing to me in different ways.
Christmas Song of the Year: Merry Christmas – Ed Sheeran & Elton John – this song is just so much fun
Most Anticipated Release of the Year: Tick Tick Boom/Spider-Man No Way Home – TTB for reasons & No Way Home because I love spider-man.
Concert of the year: Johnny Young, Normie Rowe & Narelle Belle (as Karen Carpenter) – 17.12.2021
Movie of the year: Tick Tick Boom
Runner Up: Encanto
Honourable Mentions: Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Spider-Man: No Way Home
Movie Character of the year: Jonathan Larson
Actor of the Year: Andrew Garfield – for more reasons than one 😉
TV Show/Streaming Show of the year: The Falcon & The Winter Soldier/The Mandalorian/Home After Dark/Hawkeye
TV Character of the year: Hilde Lisko/Bucky Barnes/Mando
Sporting Moment: Sports was a thing?
Personal moments: Our new pastor and his family arrived safely in Perth at the end of November. I helped my bestie with her driving and she passed and got her Ps!
Memorable hashtags: #loveforLin #marlysinstaweek #adopteelife
~~~~~~~~
Top 25 songs of the year
1. Shiver – Ed Sheeran
2. 30/90 – Cast of Tick Tick Boom
3. My Own Drum (Remix) – Ynairaly Simo feat. Missy Elliott
4. The Antidote – Simple Plan
5. Carnaval Del Barrio – Cast of In The Heights Film
6. Bad Cinderella – ALW & Carrie Hope Fletcher
7. Hope of the Ages – Hillsong Worship, Reuben Morgan & Cody Carnes
8. Surface Pressure – Jessica Darrow
9. One Name (Ek Naam) – Selah
10. Undeniable – Josh Wilson
11. Keep the Beat – Lin-Manuel Miranda & Ynairaly Simo’
12. Jesus is Coming Back – Jordan Feliz
13. One More Song – Lin-Manuel Miranda
14. Louder Than Words – Andrew Garfield, Vanessa Hudgens & Joshua Henry
15. Running Out of Time – Cast of Vivo!
16. [wonder working] – All Creatures
17. Therapy – Andrew Garfield & Vanessa Hudgens
18. Weirdo – Beckett
19. The Family Madrigal – Stephanie Beatriz, Olga Merediz & Encanto Cast
20. House of the Lord – Phil Wickham
21. Visiting Hours – Ed Sheeran
22. Swimming – Andrew Garfield, Vanessa Hudgens & Joshua Henry
23. We Don’t Talk About Bruno – Encanto Cast
24. Scars in Heaven – Casting Crowns
25. Merry Christmas – Ed Sheeran & Elton John
Bonus: Save The City – Adam Pascal & The Cast of the Rogers! Musical from Hawkeye!
The books I’ve read this year
1. Re-read – His Dark Materials 1: Northern Lights – Philip Pullman [17.12.2020 – 9.01.2021]
2. Re-read – His Dark Materials 2: The Subtle Knife – Philip Pullman [9.01.2021-5.02.2021]
3. Re-read – His Dark Materials 3: The Amber Spyglass – Philip Pullman [21.03.2021]
4. Evangelism – J. Mack Stiles [3.04.2021-4.04.2021]
5. Science in Early Childhood [5.04.2021-25.04.2021]
6. How to read the Bible for all it’s worth [2.05.2021-8.05.2021]
7. Lyra’s Oxford – Philip Pullman [9.05.2021]
8. Once Upon a Time in the North – Philip Pullman [9.05.2021]
9. Spirits of the Ghan – Judy Nunn [18.05.2021-30.05.2021]
10. Bad Clowns – Benjamin Radford [4.06.2021-5.06.2021]
11. The Historian – Elizabeth Kostova [13.06.2021-2.07.2021]
12. Where is God in a Coronavirus World? – John Lennox [11.07.2021]
13. Killer Children – Danielle Tyning [17.07.2021]
14. Serial Killers – Nigel Blundell [17.07.2021-19.07.2021]
15. Narrative Apologetics – Alister E McGrath [30.07.2021-4.08.2021]
16. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World – Joanna Weaver [5.08.2021-7.08.2021]
17. The Bible Down Under – Meredith Lake [21.09.2021]
18. Finding God in the Lord of the Rings – Kurt Bruner & Jim Ware [10.10.2021]
19. The Story of Son – JR Ward [23.10.2021]
20. Prisoner of Night – JR Ward [23.10.2021]
21. Live Like a Narnian – Joe Rigney [3.11.2021]
22. The Royal Society – Adrian Tinniswood [6.11.2021-14.11.2021]
23. Seeing Further – Bill Bryson [14.11.2021-27.12.2021]
24. The Dogs that Made Australia – Guy Hull [28.12.2021-]
Savour the “Quiet Days”. This is one of the biggest lessons I have learnt in early learning. These days or even moments can often be few and far between, but they are as precious as the “Crazy Days”.
NB: A Quiet Day doesn’t necessarily mean that there are low numbers of children; this is sometimes the case, though.
Here are the top 5 things I’ve found are beneficial to do on a Quiet Day:
I cherish the Quiet Days as they are the ones that often garner the most memorable moments for me personally. Cuddles from the babies and toddlers; random conversations about Frozen or food with the older children; moments where I get to know my colleagues better; they are all worth the quieter moments.
What do your Quiet Days look like?
Something I wrote last year
I write words
Sometimes they elude me
They trundle down the black hole
Of my thoughts
Sometimes I can patch them together In a semi-coherent loop
Loop the loop
Sing a song of sixpence…
Wait, this isn’t a nursery rhyme
Why do rhymes rhyme
Language is a weird beast
It lets you feast on the thoughts
Of mankind
And then store them away
For posterity’s sake
Take the cake and eat it too
Have my words
Have your words
Send them spiralling out
To the world
And then peruse them
Use them
Throw them out
And start again
Words
By me.
⁃ M. Withey 2020
Marly's World 